Older men

When friends turn 21, there's nothing more obvious than to take them out clubbing and bar hopping. A high school buddy from L.A. just turned 21 last week and hadn't had the chance to go to a bar yet, so we went to Silverlake for a drink and then headed over to West Hollywood to another bar and eventually to Rage... It was there at Rage that my friend got to see a side of me that he had never seen before - I'm into older men, something that I myself don't fully comprehend.

After a small break we headed back to the dance floor...and right before we started dancing an older man's eyes met mine...and he frankly signaled his interest by smiling and nodding his head. Me and my friend started dancing and I kept looking at this guy. He then walked closer to us and took the seat that was nearby us. Man, if I weren't buzzed I would not have been able to have handled such an interested man observe me dancing... Every now and then I'd look over to make eye contact with him, and he'd just smile and stare at me, making it clear that he was soon going to approach me. I started to feel that maybe I should stop looking at him, that maybe leading an older man on is not what I want to do right now. But I couldn't have helped it, I liked his attention.

So they made the last call for a dance, which was when my friend finally noticed this man. I hadn't even realized though that my friend noticed him looking at me...it wasn't until later that he told me that he saw him gazing at me with great intent. The song finished so my friend and I naturally started to walk away from the dance floor and headed toward the exit...and the older guy just appeared right in from of me and asked me what my name was. My friend I guess saw that coming because he had walked toward the wall and took out his phone to attend, or pretend to attend to it like a second before.

He told me his name and then said that he liked the way that I danced, which was a pretty typical compliment I thought, but right when he said that they started playing another song so appropriately he asked me to dance with him. It was a pretty slow song so he took advantage and pulled me in closer. I tried to keep our conversation casual, but he went right into his status report. He doesn't drink much, but he smokes, he's been in two long term relationships that lasted both about 7 years, and he's 44. That's right, 44. I had already told him that I was 21 and when he said that he was 44 we both looked at each other knowing that what we were getting into was kind of wrong. He then joked by saying that he was old enough to be my daddy and then hugging me pretty damn tightly. At that point I mentioned that I could always use more friends in L.A. He quickly replied saying "what I need is you." He wasn't going to let it go. We kept dancing and the conversation finally became a little less aggressive...I really didn't know how I felt about him...I felt kind of excited by how honest his remarks were, like after I told him that I'm from San Diego he mentioned that he was willing to get a hotel for us down there. Then there was the boner he was getting a few seconds after we had started dancing... My friend kept staring at me with this look of confusion, discontent, but also even a bit of humor. Looking at him I thought, you know what I have my own interests, and part of those interests are older men. So me and this guy kissed, it wasn't the greatest kiss but I liked the way his rough shaven face felt.

This is where things got a little too carried away, after exchanging numbers this random guy, standing alone leaning on a pillar, was just smiling at us. Of course these two guys knew each other, and pillar guy takes my hand to introduce himself to me, and he holds my hand tightly and asks my friend if I was his ride home. My friend went right ahead and said, "yeah, we came together and we're leaving together." So then pillar guy tells me that I better call his friend...and finally he let go of my hand.

I went home discussing with my friend how I know that I shouldn't make or allow any further advances, but that I want to. 44 is not in my relationship or dating territory, but something inside of me that I don't understand wants him to conquer me.